the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
