Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
