Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
