he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
