between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dignity is for republicans.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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