I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
