Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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