So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
