anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
