Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
