Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
