I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You smell like stripper and shame
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
