Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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