Pregnant stripper...not hot.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
