i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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