Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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