I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
