Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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