I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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