you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
