her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
