i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
