we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
