shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
