remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You made out with two different species that night
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
