i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
