dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
