new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There's always time for handjobs
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
