Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
should my penis look like a turkey
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i've created a new STD.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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