just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
