at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I have fence marks all over my body
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
