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hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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