they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
