dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
