Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.

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(847): View more from Illinois

At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?

(910): View more from North Carolina

succeeding

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(504): View more from Louisiana

I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.

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(309): View more from Illinois

I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.

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(520): View more from Arizona

The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.

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(775): View more from Nevada

He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...

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