So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
