If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
