I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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