Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
