I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It was like getting head from an anaconda
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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