Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
