I didn't shave. On purpose
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
