no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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