I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
YAS. BRING CRAB.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
