I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
