Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
