I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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