there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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