I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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