I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
