I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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